不眠夜

今晚，读了很多文章。

是一晚不眠夜。

我和他，吵翻了。

他说了一句，对我伤害很大的话。

坚持了超过3年的爱情。

原来，是这样的。

与其说我难过，我会选择用”失望”来形容。

不知道该怎么面对这个困局。

这几天的他，都一直说一些伤害我的话。

难道，这样比较开心？

不过的确，我没有再怪他了。

不想以前那样的责怪。

因为，我也有错。

对不起。

可是，今天你也承认了你说得太过分。

但是，挽回不了什么，而且，相隔了那么久才来的道歉。

已经弥补不了什么。

从其中一篇文章看到了我们的影子。

里面有一段字，我思考了很久。

“這就是愛情、當一個女人不再對你吼、對你鬧。對你發脾氣，

管你這管你那時、當她沉默時，你真的在她心裡已經失去了那個不可或缺的地位了。

縱使她還愛你、但是有些東西真的變了。糾纏、看似很煩、其實是最幸福的。”

这是那个作者写的。

突然，目光在这一段字停留片刻。

这是，你要的自由吧？

要打机，要打球，要去玩，都让你去了。

偶尔撒娇想你陪陪我，那么难？

自由，我还你了。

我，也希望可以要回我的自由。

做会以前的那个真正我。

今天的伤害，已经不是对不起可以解决的事了。

顺其自然。

学会了，要保护自己多过你。

我，变自私了。

30.11.2012

04.11a.m

Unsolvable problem

It's me again.

Recently like ti visit here.

A lot of things cannot share out with saying out from mouth.

People, I'm not try to show off or what.

I just wish to have a place for me to share out my happiness.

Again, proud of myself.

Because i got the highest marks in quiz again.

But, unfortunately, this marks is not counted ;(

Due to more than half people in class get 0 mark only, our lecturer wants us to retake this quiz.

NOT fair ;((

T.T

Nevermind, i think still can keep this record right?

hahaha xD

gayau lar..

get your next highest mark again!

:D

Recently, keep on argue with him.

I'm too tired in this.

That's why i just hang off the phone call.

Because I don't want this to be happen continuously.

Damn tired!

Cried for too many times.

Tell myself to be stronger than before.

Don't just keep on try to lye on the shoulder which not belong to yourself.

Time had killed our love.

29.11.2012

08.06p.m

No title

     A lonely night, accompany by music and lappie only. I argued with him again. Because of a tiny thing. He never concerns my feeling but always does put his feeling as his priority. No matter he is the one who did something wrongly or me. At the end, my fault again. ;(

     Listening to song, my tears drop automatically. I cry. I had tried my best to control them from flowing out from my eyes. But, failed. He said something that hurt me badly again. I thought love should not count by this. I thought love should not to be maintain by this way. I thought if I put more effort, I may get the things I wish. I thought I can be the most important person in his life. I thought I'm tough enough to face the same case again. I thought I'm mature enough to handle what is love. I thought he will do something little bit more for me.

     She's not the first one to ask me think properly for my future. She also not the only one. But, I believe I can handle this well. I believe I can change his mind. I thought I can change his bad habit. I thought I will stay strong in my stand until the end. But, I'm wrong. I'm tired perhaps. I wish to have someone to lend me a shoulder, lend me an ear. Tells me that he will always stay beside me when I need him. I still believe he will do this to me some day. I still........

     What is the meaning of promise? What is the meaning of concern? What is the meaning of caring? What is the meaning of managing relationship together? What is the meaning of love?

     I thought used to this life. I tried to change for him before. Forced myself to change just want to make sure he happy all the time. I surrender now. What I can do, is that much only. I just want to be myself. The optimistic me! 

     Stop crying. Smile to myself. :) Everything will be fined after every tears dropped. :) Aim for my final better. Perhaps, I can do better!



10.10p.m
27.11.2012 

奴仆

不知道从几时开始，好像横为了钱的奴仆。

最近总是钱不够用，也不明白为什么。

就是钱包里，户口里的钱。

一天比一天少。

重点是，并不知道自己用去哪里了。

o.O

下个月，就是我的final了。

主啊，保佑我顺顺利利会回答考卷里的问题。

当然，自己也要加油！

祈祷自己每天能勤劳读书，专注学业!

Sem break时才好好地manage我的page。

赚点零钱买自己喜欢的东西给自己。

;)

当然，不希望自己变成钱的奴仆。

这样的生活，不能尽兴地过。

每天想着钱的问题，那会开心。

最近灰浆想自己大概是因为实在太缺钱用了吧。

T.T

突然，好想家。

说真的，到现在仍然还没有办法爱上这里。

没办法爱上这里的生活，这里的环境，这里的事物！

还有我的主修科目。

;(

我觉得自己还是比较喜欢management的东西。

当然，少不了我最爱的演戏！

仍然告诉自己，那只是梦~

CGPA 4.0有可能吗？

只想努力考好成绩，然后换个自己喜欢的科系继续深造。

其实我知道这个目标遥不可及，不是一般的人能做到的事。

;(

我的成绩，实在太烂了。

有关于到coding的东西，实在拿捏不到。

自己，真的没有天分，也不太感兴趣。

而且，自己也没有别人努力！

;(

怪的了谁？

不能再浪费时间了。

还是那句话：乐宜，加油！

05.38p.m

24.11.2012

Back to normal life

Hey people, please don't misunderstand the tile of the day.

Why i said back to normal life?

This is because, i had completed 2 quizzes, 2 tests, 1 project in few days time.

Gosh!

Kill me better.

GG-ed by programming techniques!

Again!

Its the biggest enemy among all my subjects. 

;(

How come you cannot treat me better instead of keep on hurting me?

T.T

Why?

But, nothing to blame actually.

Because I never love you before.

;(

So, start from this moment, will try to love you as much as I can!

Because, I want to score well!

Pass with flying colors!

Another thing is!

I think I did well in my ICT quiz today!

:D

Teehee!

Because I know how to answer all the questions except one. ;(

Feel quite sad because of this!

;(

Gonna be more hardworking.

Want to make sure myself know how to answer all questions next time!

Teehee!

Promise?

Hehe.. Perhaps~

And, i did a stupid mistake in my Fundamental Discrete Structure quiz again. ;(

I know the concept, but i wrote it wrongly.

What a sad case!

;(

Unforgivable mistake!

Make sure be careful when answering question next time! Okay?

:D

Final examination approaching.

Am I ready yet?

Obviously nope!

Especially for my programming techniques subject.

;(

Promise promise and promise again to yourself.

Accept the challenge instead of keep on run away from it!

Aim : Get at least 3.67 in this subject okay?

:D

Okay.. Test weeks finally had passed.

But, my presentation weeks and assignments weeks coming.

;(

Non-stop.

Actually, all this tasks are taking turn in torturing me

T.T

Pity me.

But, so what?!

Come on baby!

Accept your challenge! xD

Because I am Chee Lok Yee!

:: QUOTE OF THE DAY ::

Smile to face everything no matter how worst the thing is!

02.13a.m

23.11.2012

A great great day

People, you may not understand how excited am I now!

Today, sit for another Hand On Tests.
ICT Compentency Workshop.
A subject that I now really interest in.

But, miracles happened!

I was the only one student who scored full marks in this paper!

See?!

The only one!

Had been a long long time never get the highest mark in my exam!

Had been a long long time never be the only one who get the full marks in exam!

But this 2 things happened in my university life!

The first time to get highest mark in Fundamental Discrete Structure test!

The first time get full marks in ICT Compentency Workshop!

These things never happen to me after primary school.

But now!

I got it!

Thanks GOD!

Appreciate it!

I'm so so happy and excited now!

:D

Thanks God for blessing me :)

I will keep on working harder to score well in others paper.

But, seriously, I do not have any confidence when facing my Programming Techniques paper.

I do not even understand the concept, then how should I answer the questions? 

;(

Fed up ;(

This coming Thursday, gonna sit for 1 Programming Hand On Test and 2 quizzes.

T.T

GOD, please stay beside me and give me more more energy in solving these problems 

:)

I know YOU always stay beside me.

Final exam approaching.

But, I seem like haven't prepare anything yet.

:(

Gonna pay more effort to get what i want!

For your Future!

For you Target!

Watched "One Piece" again!

What a touch scene!

My tear drops!

The most touching scene ever!

Temporary lar..

Because I still haven't finish watch the latest episode yet

;) hehe

OKAY!

stop here!

Fight for another test and quiz!

gayau for me :D

10.04p.m

20.11.2012

End of my semester break

A sad blog post again.

Tomorrow early in the morning, gonna take bus back to the hell place again!

Seriously, getting more and more unwilling to back to the shit place!

Reluctant to leave Kampar again.

;(

During this semester break, I didn't study.

I didn't do any revision.

I didn't complete my assignment.

This is because i went to KL to visit my 4th aunt who just came back from Australia with my dearest family.

Had wasted few days time by doing nothing.

;(

This Monday going to take 2 tests.

For sure, I cant score again. 

;(

What a sad case!

Feel so so so emo now!

;(

Gonna separate with my dear for more than 1 month again.

What I can do is just chat with him through phone.

;(

Gonna miss him so much!

And, he might not coming back next month.

;(

Full with ;( this icon in this blog.

Shall start with :) this icon in the coming blogs!

As what everyone told me, I'm an optimistic girl!

I should smile and laugh all the time.

But seriously, I can't smile at all at his moment!

;(

I dislike that place much!

One month time, will be my study week!

I want to come back home!!!!!

Kampar, bye ;((

03.02a.m

18.11.2012

吵架

从标题了，大家也知道我今天要说的是吵架吧？

对!

昨天和他吵架了，而且，还吵得很凶。

其实，到最后，还是我自己吵嘴多，他道歉了。

可是，就是不甘心地，自己在那边说说说。

把3年里的辛酸都说完出来，他抱着我说：

“老婆，对不起，真的对不起。”

我知道，他也哭了。

我们就是这样，抱着一起哭了。

我没有看过他哭。

这是第一次。

对不起，心感抱歉。

不过也觉得庆幸，这个男人也会为我哭。

他说他知道错了。

又原谅了他。

我就是这样，容易原谅，也容易不爽。

这就是我的性格，不过，我的不是公主病！

哈哈哈

希望这次能让我们两个的感情变得更好！

坚信他是会改的!

男人，加油！

这个sem break， 就好像study week那样。

assignment, event gantt chart, budget, 准备test的东西。

一大堆的东西突然等着我来做。

堆积如山

T.T

根本就不是放假，就只是把去课室上课的方式换成回家做罢了。

;(

总是告诉自己一定要把成绩考好。

可是，总是觉得很困难！

因为，太多的不会，太多的没兴趣，让自己搞得更辛苦！

有点力不从心，有点不知如何下手。

有点彷徨，有点无奈。

这些一点点加起来后，让我更加没有动力读下去。

强迫自己去读。

原来比stpm那时还辛苦。

至少那时，身边有的是很多很多的好朋友。

可是现在，很多时候会觉得是孤军作战。

;(

在我最失落，无助时，他，我的男人总是在我身边。

虽然，他不懂得去安慰我，至少，他是我的聆听者。

珍惜主给我的礼物。

因为，曾经，我不懂得如何去珍惜主给过我的礼物。

不要再重犯那个错。

伤不起！

哈哈哈

那个笨男人，现在一定又在打机了。

我也是时候读书了。

就算再讨厌，再难啃下去。

也要把知识灌进脑力！

加油！

继续朝着自己的方向，自己的目标前进！

:D

11.47p.m

13.11.2012