真实的笑容

那个笑容，真的令人怀念。
每天被问为什么那么也才睡觉。
其实，是一直为大学的事烦心。
知道自己眼浅，容易哭。
所以，每天深夜了，就开始把压抑了一天的情绪释放出来。

我，失去了方向。
失去了笑容。
我相信，那最真实的笑容是最美的。
我想永远做一个最美丽的自己。
好几个月了。
一直思考的问题。
好烦。
这条路，一直没有亲人支持，其实，是比任何路都走得难。

自己一直找资料，然后再一直被打翻你的念头。
其实，真的难受和辛苦。

我真的很想念那个开开心心的自己。
那个无时无刻打从自己内心笑出来的自己。
真的要这样，度过我4年的青春吗？


02.55a.m
30.01.2013

29.01.2013

 Went to KL 2 days ago.

Bought a dress.

And a bottle of "Sticky".

That's all for my KL trip.

Had discussed with my relatives about the courses which I interest in.

Few of them agree with my choice.

But unfortunately, one of my uncle and my mum not agree with my choice.

Why?

Mass Communication will be a big deal or big problem?

Always told me decide myself.

Choose the path which I wish to go for.

But why?

At last told me that all these are about my stupid "Star Dream"?

Why those people who choose to be a doctor are not called as " doctor dream"?

Everyone has their own ambition right?

And what I choose to go for is only mass communication.

I had no place to voice out my own feelings.

Except here.

Because I know there's not much people visit my blog even though none of them.

That's why I prefer to voice out here.

Anyone willing to hear my heart words?

After the dinner with my relatives, I cried for whole night.

But who knows?

And, who cares?

I really unwilling to go back UMP anymore.

But, what can I do?

Why I must go for finance?

I had do some research about this course.

I know that I'm not really interest about this course.

But why don't you all listen to my own opinion and my own view?

I can't do anything.

Search for so many info.

But at the end, all these info are just rubbish.

I had cried for so many days.

The life in UMP is torturing me.

Who cares?

Yesterday, I can't stand anymore.

I cried in frond of him again.

Getting more and more moody recently.

I tried my best to pretend I'm happy in front of everybody.

And I know, I success to cheat them.

Even myself, I don't actually know what is happy and what is sad.

Days come to days, almost the time to start my 2nd sem.

Getting more and more upset.

Time can please stop in this moment?

I want to search back the optimistic me.

I want to find back my smile.

29.01.2013

11.00p.m

Some words in my heart

Hi people, its me again.

Should I go for that?

Bachelor in law.

Since I was studying in secondary school, a lot of people asked me to go for law in future.

Seriously, should I go for it?

I have no idea with my future anymore.

Because, I don't know which path should I go for.

But, what I know is I totally not interest in fields which related much with computers.

How many peoples know that every time before I going back to UMP, I kept on crying.

My tear drops automatically.

I dislike that place so so much~

I don't have many friends there.

I can't communicate with my coursemates sometimes.

Seriously, this feeling is killing me.

Every time before going back to that hell place, I do always cry in front of him.

He is the only one who knows that how sad I am.

He is the only one who knows that how unwilling for me to go back UMP.

He is the only who hug me when I cried in front of him.

I dare not to tell anyone how sad I am.

I dare not to show how unhappy I am.

Because, I dare not to let them my actual feeling.

Because, I worry will let them feel disappointed.

Because, I worry they will scold me again.

Because, I know my mum will not listen properly to my heart words.

But, I did try my best to score as high as possible.

I know I can score if I force myself to do so.

But, did any of you really care about my happiness?

Do you guys concern about me?

Do you guys ask me am I happy or not?

I dare not to tell anythings about that.

Had search for few private university recently.

Han Jiang College

For HJ, I think this will not be the first consideration.

This is because it is a college but not university.

KDU

I think the school fees is too high for me.

;(

Out of budget.

Another one : MMU

This one still under consideration.

Law?

Mass com?

Or something relate with acting?

I forget how many times i had cried silently before.

I dare not to tell anyone even him too.

I keep on pray to my dearest GOD and ask him to show me a way I should go for.

But, until now I also don't know where should I go for.

I seem like lost the path that I should go for.

Because, I dare not to tell them my heart words.

That's why I start to feel not interest in studying anymore.

Confuse.

Anyone can tell me or show me the way should I go for?

Maybe I should tell them how unhappy I am.

Perhaps~

01.16a.m

20.01.2013

凌晨三点钟

打算买一架电话和一架相机，如果存到钱的话。

总觉得自己的部落格只是文字的话就太闷了。

可是就是没有多余的钱让我做这种事。

凌晨三点钟。

一直找资料，为了未来的路一直烦恼。

担心每一步，每一个决定都会错的。

岁月不留人，所以，不能做错决定让自己浪费时间。

我我也不会轻易放弃。

有几位学长说，我有机会是未来的团体领导人，甚至也是学生代表。

我也觉得自己有能力胜任。

该去该留？

我也不知道。

考虑当中。

人就是这样，心定不下来。

不知道应该怎样才是最好的。

还有一些时间，在考虑多一下吧。

:)

13.01.2013

03.16a.m

Colorful my life

I believe that everyone living in the Earth will go for a colorful life instead of a colorless life.

Same to me.

I do prefer colorful life.

Finally, made a decision to try again.

Never give up easily also be one of the criteria to achieve a colorful life for yourself right?

I think so.

Therefore, I do not allow myself to give up easily.

Although some people might think my action is quite ridiculous, but at least i try my best.

Sometimes, we could not care too much about how people think about you.

Because this is your life but not others.

So, please do treat yourself better and do something that you feel that is worth to.

:)

Although I know the rate of percentage to be success is less than 50%, but at least i try.

Thus, there will be no reason for me to feel regret in future.

People, sometimes chances is not given by others but is you are the one to create for yourself.

Maybe, sometimes I just lack of some luck.

Hopefully, this time Angel of Luck will stand by my side.

Here I come to prove again how sincere I am.

Please give me some luck and a precious chance.

I will proved to you that it is worth for you to give me a chance in future.

Tomorrow.

It is the day for me to grab the chance.

People, pray for me and wish me good luck please.

:)

Appreciate with the every pray from you guys.

Its like a war.

A war which may lead me to a greater future.

I know I can do it.

And, I also do believe I can do it!

:D

GOD, I can feel that you are staying beside me again

:)

Thanks!

11.02p.m

09.01.2013

交叉点

交叉点

人生里头，有多少个交叉点？

我不知道，我只是知道，人长得越大，就会遇到越多的交叉点。

可是，在这短短的半年里，我已经遇到了无数的交叉点。

但是，还是没有办法找出了真正的路口，没有办法找出一个对的决定。

彷徨，无奈，烦恼～

我知道很多时候，面对自己前途时，我还是没有办法做一个好的决定。

可是，为什么当我举办的活动时，又不会面对这些问题呢？

学业上，我并不是ＴＯＰ，可是一直逼自己做顶端的那个。

我的压力，一天比一天大。

回想起考ｆｉｎａｌ的那段时间，我掉过几次泪，不是因为懦弱，而是，我的压力舒解不到。

还试过失眠。

是因为，对自己的要求太高，天资又不够高，也不够勤奋。

为了要得到自己想拿的科系一直奋斗！

可是，却发觉，有点力不从心。

２０１３年的愿望，和去年的生日愿望一样。

希望能实现。

愿主保佑。

烦恼其实永远都抛不开的，只是会陆续的来，只是看你怎样去解决。

我，希望自己不会做一个错的决定。

关于我的前途，不能出错！

交叉点阿，交叉点，能不能如我所愿就让我的愿望实现呢？

期待着～

因为，人总是要有希望的！

０２．３５ａｍ

０９．０１．２０１３

♥ W.I.S.H.E.S ♥

Hello people, finally have a lot of free to be blog here.

Previously I cannot spend too much time in blogging, this is because I was facing my final examination in UMP.

Seriously, final examination killed me!

Normally I studied until late of the midnight.

Because of the stress brought by my final, I even cannot sleep properly too!

Kill me badly.

That’s why I always do face headache and fever attack during that period.

Luckily, my final ended on 3^rd of January!

And now, I am in my lovely hometown – KAMPAR!

I have so many new year wishes in this 2013 year! :D

Study In The University that I Wish to go for

Aim for the university that I wish to go for.

Really hope that wish will come true!

GOD, please bless me.

Sincerely.

Pray Hard!

Hope that my wish will come true!

Everyone who Stay around Me will be Happy and Healthy Always

Seriously, I always do appreciate what GOD gives me now.

Thanks!

Hopefully they will always stay in healthy condition!

J

Good Result in My Education

Score well, pass with flying colors!

This is what I aim since I enter local university.

Hahahahaha.

Every students’ wishes right?

J

And, I going to list out some targets or aims for myself in year 2013 :

Save Money to Buy Something For Myself and My Lovely Family

I want a camera and a new phone.

I want to get that soon.

Hehe. That’s why I going to earn much more money to buy myself something.

Perhaps as a reward for myself IF I get a good result in my final?

:P

I want to buy my daddy and mommy something since they always care and concern about me.

J

Change to be a well-looking girl

Seriously, I am too lazy in make up or spend time in “decorate” myself.

Hahahaha.

I think I should change my bad habit.

But, my fashion sense is really too bad.

>.<

Anyone can help me?

Should start to let myself to have a better appearance since I’m going to be 21 years old soon.

Learn some cooking and baking skill

Although my cooking and baking skill is not bad, but still wish to go for a better skills.

Actually I really do love to cook and bake something.

Enjoy the process. But, I hate the clean up process.

Hahaha

Proved that I’m a lazy girl right?

Plan to learn some during this semester break which I having now! :D

Let myself to be more slim and fairer

I admit. I’m fat!

Like a pig!

T.T

Can I have a pair of slim leg?

My leg is too short.

That’s why I must have a pair of slim leg to let them look longer.

>.<

Motivate myself to slim down before Chinese New Year!

And my skin color is too dark.

Anyone have any idea to let my skin to be fairer?

Want to have a fresh look this year!

Will try my best!

Have vacation in oversea start from this year

Perhaps start from Taiwan or Hong Kong?

Hahaha

Greedy target right?

But, will try my best to save more money to achieve my target!

Try to push up my business profit

Since I want to save money to achieve my target, I should work hard on business to get hit more sales.

Handle all my shops well!

This is my part time. J

Hahahahaha

Try my best also! J

Temporarily these are my wishes and targets.

GOD bless me please!

I want my first wish to come true J

Please~

Good night everyone.

I believe year 2013 will be another great year.

NOPE! Should be a better year! :D

03.14a.m

07.01.2013

Stress

Stressful week.

I also wondering why I still have extra time to blog here.

Feel too stress.

Because, its final examination week!

Damn!

I keep on study recently.

But, seriously have no idea about the stupid PROGRAMMING!

Why its hard to understand the logic and concept?

Read and read and read!

Totally feel moody everytime when I'm facing this subject.

;(

Tomorrow going to take this paper.

Hopefully will not fail in this subject.

PRAY HARD!

GOD, please stay beside me. I need energy.

Feel too stress. Cannot express my feeling at all.

GOD, please stay beside me.

Please let me understand all the things relate with Programming subject!

I don't want to fail!

I don't want!

;(

;(

;(

** Happy new year everyone **

06.16pm

01.01.2013