our class, 5 sc merah be the champion in the category group of game .
woohoo````
WE ARE THE CHAMPION.
we get a hamper and rm 50.
felt happy to get this result, because many of us sacrified our time to make those DIY things.
happy to get this results because this year will be the last year for me to join haro koperasi.
be the top 3 of hari koperasi for 3 years!
woohoo```
my mood is totally bad today.
but luckily tuition with my besties just now.
my mood become better.
i love you all deeply!
i promise till the end of the world, you all also will be my besties!
sigh``
actually, at first i was enjoying in doing my preparation of singing con test that will held on 18th of this month.
but, after tired in making those decoration's work, we chit-chatted together.
have a lot of fun time at that moment.
but, suddenly, you guys mentioned him!
my mood totally became worst!
maybe what you guys saying are right.
he made a right decision last time.
he should broke with me and leave me alone.
maybe. . i shouldn't appear in his life!
i should get out from his perfect life!
maybe as what they told me is true.
i'm the one who affected him till he can't concentrate in his studies and kk before.
as what they say: " luckily he broke with you earlier. he made a good decision."
"you think properly, he can get a good result in his kk maybe is because leaving you."
these sentences totally hurt me and broke my heart.
although i know you guys are just kidding and joking around.
but, when i listen this kind of things, my tears nearly drop out.
my heart was pain enough at that moment.
seems like bleeding.
maybe you guys don't know.
actually, i think this problem before.
maybe he hate me because i'm the one who affecting him can't concentrate in his studies.
maybe i'm the one who let him can't get into the nest class.
maybe i'm the one who let him can't score well in his exam.
somebody told me before : " maybe you're the one who let him can't concentrate in his studies"
"you see, he can't get into that class because of you"
"always sms and speak through the phone with you"
"that's why he can't score well in exam"
although they're joking.
but, you all not realise that you guys hurt me a lot.
and i'm feel guilty till now!
although many of you say actually not my problem, and you all just joking.
but, actually you all don't know i'm so mind about what you all said!
none of one will know that i cried on that day.
the day that announced the results of who will going to best class.
i was so nervous that day, because you told me before,
you wish to get into sc merah so much!
and you told me that sure you will get into that class.
in my mind, that time we still are couple.
early in the morning, i was rushing to school to wait for the result.
but, when i saw the list, my tears dropped.
i cried sadly in front of the board because you can't get into that class.
but, who knows?
actually, start form that day, i felt so guilty until now!
that's the one thing that i can't forgive myself.
i let the one that who i love most to disappointed and sad.
maybe you hate me or angry with me.
i just feel sorry to you.
SORRY
i'm not sure whether you will forgive me or not.
but, i hate myself most!
until today, they joke about this problem again.
all my guilty feelings appear again.
i'm totally sad.
i. . . almost cried in front of you all today.
but, i just tried my best to control my tears form falling down.
my heart was so pain.
all the memories of both of us appeared in that moment.
THE MOST HAPPY MOMENT AND MEMORIES IN MY LIFE
But maybe you forget all of these already.
who i'm in your heart?
haha. just nothing. a small character that passed by in your life.
all my friends told me that,
" i can feel that you love him deeply, because until now, if we mentioning him, sure you will chat happily."
is it true?
i also not sure.
i never realise that.
i thought i not love him anymore.
maybe i'm not love him anymore.
i'm confusing now!
my tears drop today.
i cried at home.
because i really miss you tough.
i damn miss you now!
do i still love you?
yesterday, one of my friend told me that she couple with her boy again after 3 years.
congrates to her.
she looks happy.
i can feel the hapiness that surrounding her.
but, i'm sure that this won't happened on me.
because he won't love me anymore.
i know that!
in this moment, i wish that i never appear in your life before!
because without me, your life will become more perfect!
but, i hope that you still will appeared in my life.
because without you, my life will become lack of colour.
but why until now, i still will feel sad because of you?
"what make you love him deeply?" my friends asked.
"i don't know." answered by me.
maybe he too good for me.
maybe what he done had full-fill with what i want.
he's really good enough for me.
he treated me great.
he loved me deeply.
he cared about me.
but, all of these will be past tense for me.
he won't noticed me anymore.
NEVER!!!
I WISH THAT THE TIME CAN BACK TO THE TIME WE COUPLED.
but, impossible it will happened.
stop to be stupid and silly anymore.
stop thinking of you anymore.
== my heart bleeding now ==
~~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR KEE~~
~~LOVE YOU TOUGH~~
~~BESTIES FOREVER~~
12.00a.m
03.07.2009
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