勇敢

好久没有浏览这个被遗弃的部落格了

抹了抹灰尘

又在键盘上打字

为这个部落格增添新的文章

最近 

被忧郁打败了

突如其来的消息

自己又莫名其妙地发疯地寻找真相

一个一直以来最不想面对的事情

我曾经以为我真的很勇敢

我以为我可以比任何一个人更坦然地接受这个事实

原来

我一直只是在逃避

一直把它搁置在一旁

以为不去碰触就不会痛

可是事实告诉我

这比什么都来得痛

我以为我不会哭

我以为我会祝福

我以为我会微笑

我知道我处理这件事处理得很糟

我知道我不公平

我知道很傻很愚蠢

可是

我就是那么的笨得无可救药

我不喜欢

甚至讨厌这样的自己

醒了

是时候醒了

微笑吧

:)

Life still go on

Had been a long  long time never update my bloggie. 
Quit miss my lovely space here.
Due to my laziness, I decided to abandon it for some time.
And, finally I'm back again. 
And, this will be a long post. :D

Notice the post title? **Life still go on**
Ya. I had made a big big decision.
I quit from local university for more than 1 month already.
And, I miss those university life so much.
Wish to study much. ;(
Everyone is studying now, but I'm doing nothing =.=
Hate this feeling much.
And, currently I'm working in cinema.
I hate working life!

I feel so regret because of leaving UMP that early. 
I should left there after CNY event.
I missed that big big event >.<
As a head of sponsor unit, I had left for that event.
Feel that I'm so irresponsible. ;(
Sorry guys, please forgive me.
Although Alvy keeps on comforting me and told me I was a part of them.
But, still feel so down because of this matter.
Committees invited me to go for their CNY event.
But, due to its too far from my home, my mummy did not allow me to go there.
On 23.03.2013, I kept on scrolling up and down in my Facebook account to get the latest news and photos from them.
Congratulations to you guys because organizing such an awesome event! :D
**Clap hands**

But, I did cried and emo for the whole night 2 days ago.
Because Randy forgot to order the event tee shirt for me.
Once I got the news from Alvy, tears drop immediately.
That tee shirt is too important for me.
A memorable thing for me. ;(
But, I can't get it ;(
A sad case.

Last week, one of the customer fainted after watched **OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN**.
This Malay girl went to cinema with a Malay guy.
Both are only 17 years old.
Once she fainted, we requested the Malay boy to call the Malay girl's parents.
But, both of them refused to do so.
I think they worried that her parents will scold her/ him.
Don't know. 
Therefore, we sent her to hospital.
And, epic thing happened =.=
The Malay boy asked us to keep secret for him.
He said : Nanti ibu dia datang, jangan cakap saya bersama dengan dia ya. Beritahu mereka bahawa dia seorang pergi tengok wayang.
I was like OMG! You this stupid fellow.
After that he scared until hide himself in the toilet. @.@
The guy even never visit the girl and concerned about her condition in that moment.
In that moment, I feel like want to ask that girl to forget about him.
And, at the end, the stupid fellow requested us to fetch him to bus station and just left the pity girl alone. 
I felt like want to refuse his request. But at the end, my colleague fetched him to take bus.
Once I told the girl that the guys left, she said : "Dia sudah balik?" Then tears dropped.
I don't know how to comfort her. I thought that guy told her that he going back first.
But I learned something from this case.
And, hopefully she learned something from this case also.
This guy, cannot put too much hope on him.
Girl, must be strong and must know well about your partner before he is your husband or boy friend.

Recently, I watched a video which discuss about 中学生应该谈恋爱吗？
This short video let me think about my life when I was a secondary school student.
One guy passed by in my mind. 
I admit I had sweet memories with him.
But, all those is just past tense.
I still feel so thankful because he appeared in my life before. :)
Thanks for coloring a part of my life before. :)

There's nothing more to talk about.
I know my blog always ended with lame ending.
Sorry >.< Because I'm not good in English and writing also.
Forgive me.
Pray hard for my future study.
Hopefully can get some good news in academic stuffs :)


02.04.2013
01.51a.m

大年初一

大年初一头一天，家家户户过新年~

没错，今天就是大年初一。

当然，我也穿了一身红红的连身裤。

** ANG ANG **

Outfit of the day!

够红吧~

今年节目没有以往那么多，可是也不差。

只是闷了一点。

知道现在，也还没有什么过新年的mood.

不知道为什么

可能是有些事还没有彻底解决，所以才会如此吧。

期待明天又会是怎样的一天。

大家，新年快乐！

:D

10.16p.m

10.02.2013

A date with the man

    Everyone, I'm back again ;D Had been few days never update my personal blog. Because of my laziness and I don't want to blog about my emo things. Therefore, prefer not to blog out those things :D

     Today, gonna take about my date with him :) Nothing special. But had a happy moment with him. Both of us went to Ipoh. Actually we planned to buy ourselves some new pants, but finally, we bought nothing. Hmmmmm~ No.. Should be he buy nothing but I buy something :D Teehee~ 

     Finally, I received my late "Christmas" present. :) A cardigan and a top from Cotton On which choose by myself :) Thank you my man! And, there was a funny scenario happened when we went to pay for my top. The original price for the top is RM49.90 but when we paid, the cashier said " Total is RM20++" **forget the price already** Both of us were like OMG?! We thought the cashier make some mistake and we felt so lucky that time. Then the cashier told us, " You are entitle to get 40% discount for all the items you buy until Sunday." A great news for me but a bad news for him. Because....... Haha.. I wanted to buy the cardigan too since we entitle to get 40% discount for all the items :D That's why he bought me another cardigan too :) Haha. Thanks again my dear!

     And today, met 3 friends separately. Everybody seems so free? haha. But there's nothing to talk about. Just simply mention why everybody so free today? :) We planned to watch movie, but at the end, we watched nothing again ;( Will wait for another date again ;( Sob..

     And, finally I have the final decision already :) Will share with you guys once I success to do that :) In this brand new year, I want to have a more and more colorful and cheerful life. And, I'm sure that I can achieve it! :D **Fighting**

p/s : Recently addicted to watch " Running man". Thus, I will keep on say "Fighting"

01.48am

09.02.2013

真实的笑容

那个笑容，真的令人怀念。
每天被问为什么那么也才睡觉。
其实，是一直为大学的事烦心。
知道自己眼浅，容易哭。
所以，每天深夜了，就开始把压抑了一天的情绪释放出来。

我，失去了方向。
失去了笑容。
我相信，那最真实的笑容是最美的。
我想永远做一个最美丽的自己。
好几个月了。
一直思考的问题。
好烦。
这条路，一直没有亲人支持，其实，是比任何路都走得难。

自己一直找资料，然后再一直被打翻你的念头。
其实，真的难受和辛苦。

我真的很想念那个开开心心的自己。
那个无时无刻打从自己内心笑出来的自己。
真的要这样，度过我4年的青春吗？


02.55a.m
30.01.2013

29.01.2013

 Went to KL 2 days ago.

Bought a dress.

And a bottle of "Sticky".

That's all for my KL trip.

Had discussed with my relatives about the courses which I interest in.

Few of them agree with my choice.

But unfortunately, one of my uncle and my mum not agree with my choice.

Why?

Mass Communication will be a big deal or big problem?

Always told me decide myself.

Choose the path which I wish to go for.

But why?

At last told me that all these are about my stupid "Star Dream"?

Why those people who choose to be a doctor are not called as " doctor dream"?

Everyone has their own ambition right?

And what I choose to go for is only mass communication.

I had no place to voice out my own feelings.

Except here.

Because I know there's not much people visit my blog even though none of them.

That's why I prefer to voice out here.

Anyone willing to hear my heart words?

After the dinner with my relatives, I cried for whole night.

But who knows?

And, who cares?

I really unwilling to go back UMP anymore.

But, what can I do?

Why I must go for finance?

I had do some research about this course.

I know that I'm not really interest about this course.

But why don't you all listen to my own opinion and my own view?

I can't do anything.

Search for so many info.

But at the end, all these info are just rubbish.

I had cried for so many days.

The life in UMP is torturing me.

Who cares?

Yesterday, I can't stand anymore.

I cried in frond of him again.

Getting more and more moody recently.

I tried my best to pretend I'm happy in front of everybody.

And I know, I success to cheat them.

Even myself, I don't actually know what is happy and what is sad.

Days come to days, almost the time to start my 2nd sem.

Getting more and more upset.

Time can please stop in this moment?

I want to search back the optimistic me.

I want to find back my smile.

29.01.2013

11.00p.m

Some words in my heart

Hi people, its me again.

Should I go for that?

Bachelor in law.

Since I was studying in secondary school, a lot of people asked me to go for law in future.

Seriously, should I go for it?

I have no idea with my future anymore.

Because, I don't know which path should I go for.

But, what I know is I totally not interest in fields which related much with computers.

How many peoples know that every time before I going back to UMP, I kept on crying.

My tear drops automatically.

I dislike that place so so much~

I don't have many friends there.

I can't communicate with my coursemates sometimes.

Seriously, this feeling is killing me.

Every time before going back to that hell place, I do always cry in front of him.

He is the only one who knows that how sad I am.

He is the only one who knows that how unwilling for me to go back UMP.

He is the only who hug me when I cried in front of him.

I dare not to tell anyone how sad I am.

I dare not to show how unhappy I am.

Because, I dare not to let them my actual feeling.

Because, I worry will let them feel disappointed.

Because, I worry they will scold me again.

Because, I know my mum will not listen properly to my heart words.

But, I did try my best to score as high as possible.

I know I can score if I force myself to do so.

But, did any of you really care about my happiness?

Do you guys concern about me?

Do you guys ask me am I happy or not?

I dare not to tell anythings about that.

Had search for few private university recently.

Han Jiang College

For HJ, I think this will not be the first consideration.

This is because it is a college but not university.

KDU

I think the school fees is too high for me.

;(

Out of budget.

Another one : MMU

This one still under consideration.

Law?

Mass com?

Or something relate with acting?

I forget how many times i had cried silently before.

I dare not to tell anyone even him too.

I keep on pray to my dearest GOD and ask him to show me a way I should go for.

But, until now I also don't know where should I go for.

I seem like lost the path that I should go for.

Because, I dare not to tell them my heart words.

That's why I start to feel not interest in studying anymore.

Confuse.

Anyone can tell me or show me the way should I go for?

Maybe I should tell them how unhappy I am.

Perhaps~

01.16a.m

20.01.2013